Boob & Kim arrive to pick us up.

On our way

Vermont airport bathroom has automated toilet seat covers!

You see.

Here is bob at the airport bar where we have stopped in to prepare me for flying

Defense

We can learn from water buffalo:

Watch the whole thing.

About the Immigration Bill

Lileks examines it.
Note the last item.

Interesting news about the immigration debate, eh? I understand they’ve crafted some sort of bill. Having read the whole thing, I feel compelled to offer some of the highlights:

6 (1) (D) Undocumented Xenonationals who have been in the country since noon March 16, 2004 (this language reflects a compromise between the hardline “AM” faction and moderates who wanted to extend the deadline to 4:57 PM) will have to report to a government office to announce they are departing. This is the HIMBG Provision, or the “Hello, I Must Be Going” provision. Immigrants will have to return to the Mexican border, put their left foot in, put their left foot out, put their left foot in and shake it all about. (Language requiring that the applicant then “do the hokey pokey was removed over an inability to define the exact nature of said action.) The immigrant is then required to return to the place where he announced he was leaving, present a notarized photograph of himself sticking a portion of his body into Mexican airspace; at that point, he will be eligible to receive a “Q” visa, which enables him to start the process towards a "Z" visa, which estabishes a legal framework towards a “path towards citizenship,” although applicants who have paid 67% of their adjusted tax burden over the last 14 years, minus inflation, will be put on a “jogging path” towards citizenship.

The entire process will take no less than seven years, during which the applicant may not work, but must stand absolutely still in a small room while reciting the Constitution. (Spanish is permitted for the boring Amendments.)

I. (7) (3.14) There shall be a fence stretching 356 miles. The fence shall be three feet high. Paper mache crocodiles shall reside on the other side, arrayed in a threatening manner ($400,000 shall be appropriated to determine the optimum angle of the opened jaw; the final crocodile shall represent a consensus among herpetologists, and reflect a crocodile who is defending his position but showing his teeth to warn off, and not necessarily threaten violence.) Every nine miles, there shall be a sign that reproduces the FBI warning that precedes all DVDs and videotapes and warns of criminal liability for breaking the copyright law. (It has worked so well thus far the language might as well be used intact.) The fence shall be raised to four feet in the event the population of any state becomes 51% undocumented Xenonationals. The fence shall be raised to five feet in the event GOP presence in the Senate drops below 4 seats. The fence shall be raised to ten feet after a nuclear device is smuggled in from Mexico, providing the yield of the bomb is at least 4 (four) kilotons. A bomb with a yield between 3 and 3.99 kilotons will be a sufficient trigger to raise the fence only if the attendant radiation is carried by prevailing winds a distance greater than 20 miles.

T. (t) (t) $779,000 shall be allotted to create Inez, a mascot who provide a welcoming and comic presence to the INS offices.; $3.2 million for an ad campaign that raises awareness of Inez; $2.9 million to be put in escrow from the inevitable sexual harassment suit after Woodsy Owl learns about here; that bird can’t keep his wings to himself; $1.2 million to buy out Woodsy’s contract

7 (b) (f) (f) The government shall, at its discretion, ignore the hell out of any of this

II. 5.6 All legal immigrants will be required to go through the entire process again, just to rub their noses it in. Mark Steyn shall sit in his car on a bridge between Canada and the United States until he learns his place.

R. R. (x) Any illegal immigrant from a state known to sponsor terrorism will be required to renounce terrorism by an oath of utmost solemnity. This act shall also supply funds for translators to determine the equivalent of “pinky swear” in other tongues. The translator will work through the world’s languages in reverse alphabetical order.

XX (vi) Employers found guilty of employing illegal aliens must perform the crying aria from Pagliacci.

F. (U) This bill shall be passed before anyone can read it.

Grrrr

Giant Eagle! I use the self-checkouts these days because it seems to be faster. Heh. Today two of them were blinking for help; two had people with a lot of stuff; I got in line behind someone with not so much stuff. But! Her bill was around $20 something, as far as I could see from where I was standing. Which she proceeded to pay with PENNIES. I'm not making this up. Dropped some, had to look for them on the floor. Yes, feeding them one by one into the cash-taking thing, about 30 of them, then she had to look through her purse for larger coins and then - thank God! took out some bills. Turns out they were all DOLLAR bills though. One by one by one by one....

I didn't think I could have worse trips to this store than I have in the past but today was definitely worse. I'm afraid I will start to hate it out loud.

Do these people vote, do you think?

Pals - Sometimes

I'm always grateful when they're sleeping. It sure is hectic here these days.

Mercy

Happiness is a warm puppy!

Don't Build An Airplane In Your Garage

...or a 10 x 12 ft. wooden deck in your driveway. I told him!
It should be built where it needs to be. Anyway now it can't be budged, at least by the two of us.
I think there are two options here; to saw it in half or to chain it to the truck and pull it. Bob of course doesn't like either option. But he's going to have to find 6 burly guys to do anything else with it.
Ah well.
Hark! I think he's starting the truck!

Gloom, Despair And Agony On Me

I spent the day at work preparing for the sales tax audit tomorrow, which I am so not looking forward to. Plus, with the auditors there I will have to act like a normal person; not as easy as it sounds.

GLOOM

Then I headed home to re-litter the boxes and try to persuade the cats they need to go inside the dadgum thing, not around, beside, and under it. Pete's sake. They're probably annoyed with me for always putting a big box right smack in the middle of their pooping area.

DESPAIR

Now I had to re-pill Evil Cat - all by my own self this time. I found a new approach; sneaking up behind her while she's already laying down, throwing the towel over her and pulling her head out of the mix then popping the pill fast and extracting my fingers, fast, or most of them. I still say a catapult would be best - you can tell by its name that it's made specifically for pulting things into cats. Dogs are so easy; wrap it in bacon.

AGONY

Just kidding; not a scratch.

So tomorrow's not looking good either. But tomorrow I will not have to give a cat a pill because that was the last one and this makes me happy.

So how are things with you?

Small Boys Bring Me Flowers

among other things.

It's been a long time since children picked dandelions for me. It's a beautiful thing.

Forget-me-not

I forgive their wandering ways this time of year...

I've given up my idea of Chinese Wisteria for an arbor; I'm afraid it will wind around trees and burrow under the house. Plus I think it's poisonous? I know I couldn't keep up with it - I have a vision of myself with a chain saw, a shield and a helmet. I don't have time for this. Anyway, I'm researching other winding things. Hmph.

Maybe roses? But then how can we enjoy sitting in the arbor with prickery things everywhere. Morning glories are as bad as wisteria so that's out. Maybe we can use roses if we're careful. More shields, and gloves - and definitely helmets for sitting out there reading a book.

Oh yeah - the arbor. We're putting the old gazebo (Bob calls it the credenza) frame out in the way back; the storms ruined everything else including the roof. We plan to make it a pergola and grow things up it. I wonder what Bob will call it when it's a pergola, not a gazebo? Interesting.

I have to go now and get trained on How To Give Pood A Pill. Lisa's leaving for 10 days, you see, and I have to bear the responsibility of fixing up her cat; one that hisses at me if I even walk by her. And oh Dear God please do not let anything happen to Pood while Lisa's gone. As far as the pill goes I think some kind of catapult device would be best.

Shields, gloves, and helmet. That's the ticket.

I'm not afraid.

How To Get Ahead

...well, I wouldn't know. I am overwhelmed with all this stuff I have to do so I deal with it by doing none of it at all. So that's my master plan. Don't know what the goal is. Maybe it will all become clear at some point.

Hmmmmmm

Gee, ya think?

Scientists from Nasa say that Mars has warmed by about 0.5C since the 1970s. This is similar to the warming experienced on Earth over approximately the same period.

Since there is no known life on Mars it suggests rapid changes in planetary climates could be natural phenomena.