Tempus Fugits

Well I had a week off and frittered it away. Maybe tomorrow I will finally put the missing wallpaper up! I looked for it half the day Friday, in every closet of the house and under all the beds, couldn't remember where I put it (to keep it safe). Bob wasn't home (he knew where it was) - I even drove to the storage unit and looked there - after I figured out which unit belonged to us. Anyway by the time Bob got home and told me I put it behind the couch - yep, there it was - I was no longer in any mood to paste wallpaper. I was tired and dusty and cranky.



Back to work Tuesday, woe.



I hope you all had a nice Christmas, and I'm glad it's over. Now for New Year's. We are having friends over tomorrow night and I seriously think we should go out on the deck, build a fire and roast hot dogs. If this is global warming I LIKE IT. and I want more. Please.



Today I watched a video I made in August of the fish in the pond. Sigh. I wonder how they're doing out there?



I'm not looking forward to January at work. End of the year, end of the quarter, end of 6 months, end of the month. My job deals with ends. And W2's and 1099's drive me INSANE. No, I don't like January much. February either. March either - end of fiscal year, end of quarter, blah blah. Let's see - no I don't like April either. Income freaking taxes. OK what's left? I like May... and June... and July... and August... you get the picture.



I like SUMMER. Let's have it.

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Christmas Shopping

Dont be alarmed - I did some! And "dont" does not have an apostrophe cause all it does in here is bring up the "find" feature, which is annoying. I will say "do not" from now on.

I did 99% of my shopping online (if only this had been available 15 years ago!), but went to WalMart first thing this morning to finish. Only had to buy one thing, hoorah, I am done! Perhaps I will get the wrapping done before the usual time (Christmas Eve, midnight). Nah.

Buying for little kids is fun, adults not so much. It is harder with the smaller babies because not much stuff they can play with yet. Ryan is the smallest right now. I had a long talk with Ryan when I had him overnight. It was 3:30 AM and he had just had a bottle and WAS NOT ready to go back to sleep. So I put him in his seat on the kitchen table with dangling toys in front of him and we talked. Ok, it was mostly ME talking - the usual nonsense that I say to babies, but he turned his head and listened intently then he started cooing and babbling with the most earnest look on his face - trying to say "hello" back at me. We did this for quite awhile. Bob came downstairs to leave for hunting and wondered what we were doing.

There is a heart clutching moment with each grandchild and it is different with each one - the moment when you know you will love this child always.

Ryan had me at "hello".

Recipe for Fruitcake

In the spirit of Christmas, I give you - the Recipe For Fruitcake.
Ingredients:1 cup of water1 tsp baking soda1 cup of sugar1 tsp salt1 cup of brown sugarlemon juice4 large eggsnuts1 bottle Vodka2 cups of dried fruit> > >Sample the vodka to check quality.Take a large bowl,check the vodka again.To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat .Turn on the electric mixer.Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.Add one teaspoon of sugar.Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the vodkais shtill OK.Try another cup .... just in case. Turn off the mixerer.Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of driedfruit.Pick fruit off floor. Mix on the turner.If the fried druit gets stuck in the beatererspry it loose with a drewscriver.Sample the vodka to check for tonsisticity.Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who giveshz a sh*t.Check the vodka.Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table.Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.Greash the oven.Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fallover.Don't forget to beat off the turner.Finally, throw the bowl through the window,finish the vodka andkick the cat. Fall into bed.CHERRY MISTMAS!

Snow

Well, duh! It's not like it should be a surprise, here in the "snow belt". But, here's the first big one and we have chaos.
Today, it took me 1 hour to get out of Chardon. That's 10 miles in one hour. This is good for my plan of doing incredibly tedious things to make it seem like I'm living longer.
There were HSMO™'s everywhere. But no snow plows. Didn't see one, in the whole hour. I don't care what anyone says, our township does not do a good job. For instance, the Lake Co. line starts at the bottom of Stukey Hill. There, the road clearing suddenly becomes better. (How I wish it started at the top of the dadgum hill!) But I decided not to go that way anymore when it snows, I take a flatter route.
And I would like to move 10 miles further south.

We have lots of snow here because it makes us appreciate summer. I plan to start summer in April, no matter what, during which we will have a cookout, and a transfer of fish ceremony, God help us, I hope there are not any more new ones! No matter what, because we need longer summers. The key word for this summer is: Badminton. Because I got a really nice set last Christmas from QVC that I didn't order, but nevertheless it was nice so I kept it, I'm pushing it this year. And we have a perfectly good net in the yard, don't we? Also, Bob has finished digging holes all over the yard (I think). So the yard is perfectly good, too. We also need a ... sand box! Although I have mixed emotions. There are strict criteria - drainage and cat proof; hose nearby to hose down kids...

Although right now my mission is to find sleds, but if I'm going to take the kids out there I need taller boots. So do they. Or any boots, for that matter, in their case. And mittens. Maybe this should wait for Christmas week when I have some time off. I remember when my kids were little by the time I got the last one dressed to go outside, the first ones were coming back in; a never ending process. I'm not sure that they were ever all outside together.

I had Alex overnight Saturday. He's so easy! And I wrapped the microwave cart in foam rubber so there were no bruises. Nevertheless he hit his head on the arm of the sofa when we were dancing... next time we only dance in the middle of the room. I call him Noodle, I should have called him Bungle3. Or is it 4? I don't know. probably 4. I will never forget the time I slipped in the lobby of the bank and slid all the way in on my rear. I just got up and said, "I'm here!" I thought I should say something. Everyone has to turn around and look, don't they? And a hush falls over the crowd. I suppose you all are not familiar with these experiences. Bah.

and the time in a wedding receiving line when my purse straps got entangled with the bride's flowers when I hugged her, and it almost took down the whole receiving line... because I walked away, unknowing.... but that wedding ended in divorce, anyway.

Or the time I got my finger stuck in a mail slot at the post office (trying to make sure my letters had gone all the way in). There was talk of calling the fire department. But everything always ends up ok! I mean, I'm not still carting a post office around with me, am I? Or a bride.

But it's probably best never to go anywhere or touch anything.

Tomorrow I will leave an hour early because it seems more snow is on the way. Whatever. Today I left half an hour early and got to work an hour late. No matter how hard I try, they won't fire me. Maybe tomorrow I will only be half an hour late.
Bah. They probably still won't fire me. Well, because the dog likes me. He bites everyone else.
But our new driveway snow plower showed up! This is good...I wasn't sure. I paid him in advance and you can never be sure. There are still some honorable people left I guess.

And how are things with you?

Beat the Whammy

Each morning as I drive to work I have a mission: to drive past certain side streets before something pulls out in front of me, generally a Hellishly Slow Moving Object - HSMO™. Usually it is towing a Hellishly long trailer with a large heavy piece of machinery loosely tethered into it. Then I have to follow it up a steep hill while the loosely tethered equipment bobbles and sways. I use this time to reflect on my life and compose mental messages to my loved ones because I am sure I will be dead in the next 10 minutes. We make it up the hill without chaos and destruction and now I am saved! Not only that, my life now seems infinitely longer because I get to follow behind at 15 mph most of the way to work. (no passing zone) On the (rare) mornings this doesn't happen I call it Beating the Whammy.

But then - about once a week I go to the grocery store during my 30 minute lunch, to pick up salad and SlimFast™ for my so-called lunch. I have 15 minutes to get in and get out. The grocery store is fully staffed by Employees With No Abilities - EWNA™. I presume these are all former employees of telephone companies and the IRS, who got fired for not being annoying enough. No, on second thought the IRS has only ONE employee that finally answers all the phone calls after they are put on hold with recorded messages for several days. This employee's only role is to tell you they don't know how to do THAT. During this period of time spent waiting on hold, your children have grown up and moved away from home.
But I digress.
OK, we have the EWNA's™ here at the grocery store but the place is also crammed full of HSMO's™. These sometimes take the form of large red, wheeled containers that mothers put 1/3 of their children in while the two other thirds have the function of plugging every conceivable gap left in the aisles, so that people trying to buy lettuce and SlimFast™ cannot get through. Well, it IS the land of the free.
I myself live in the Home of the Brave.
Sometimes they have also brought Grandma in a motorized cart. People who drive motorized carts through crowded stores are endowed with God-like powers. They have the right of way, no matter what and you had best take cover or you will get your lettuce flattened.
I want one of those carts.
After fighting your way through the HSMO's™ you arrive at the check out to find - EWNA's™ at the register where you wait, second in line behind the motorized cart that darted in front of you at the last minute. (Because they are God.) These people have usually forgotten the procedure to a.) write a check, or b.) use a credit card, or they want to use three different credit cards. They also sometimes have food stamps, WIC coupons, and a boat load of regular coupons. The EWNA's™, of course, don't know how to do any of that stuff either - and so the process begins.
20 minutes later, and you are at the register! Just as it runs out of tape, and needs to be repapered, which always seems to be difficult.
Well, if you get through the store without running into all this, they invariably get you in the parking lot.
These days I mostly just run to the drug store and buy year-old candy bars - anything so I don't have to go to the grocery store.

But - today I Beat the Whammy. Life is good.